I want to be a liberal, because then everyone will like me. My family will start talking to me again, and chances are, my ex-husband will want to renew the marriage vows he broke when I started spouting conservative opinions.
I’d like to be a liberal because its ever so much easier to allow others to form my opinions for me instead of researching an issue myself. That always gets me in trouble, especially when the facts I discover diverge from the latest politically correct consensus.
I’d like to be a liberal because then I’d be rewarded for all my shortcomings and nothing would ever be my fault. I’d be an important cog in the wheel of social justice, and a cherished warrior in the current fight for equality.
If I were a liberal, I would be free to have sex whenever and with whomever I want – and be considered ‘empowered’ to boot. I could abort any inconvenience with nary a thought because my rights to my body trump the life I would have suctioned out of me.
I’d like to be a liberal because any guilt I would normally feel for what used to be considered deviant, irresponsible behavior may be assuaged by merely advocating the expenditure of other people’s money on whatever the cause du jour is. Very cool. Especially since my stock portfolio has been pretty much decimated.
I want to be a liberal because they care so much. They have a lock on all the fashionable emotions, like tolerance, diversity, equality and patriotism. And as long as my intentions are pure and I ‘care’, I won’t have to accept responsibility for any negative consequences that my actions might cause.
I’d like to be a liberal because everyone knows that conservatives are racist, homophobic, stupid and, well, beneath contempt. Conservatives are motivated by gasp, profit, instead of being nice. Enough said.
I’d like to be a liberal because I’d be able to redefine reality to my own specifications. I could turn failure into success, murder into choice, lies into ‘misstatements’, and theft into investment. I would automatically be considered wise, instead of opinionated. Best of all, I could make up the rules as I go along, change them in midstream and then demonize anyone who doesn’t agree with me.
I want to be a liberal because everyone knows they hold the moral high ground. They don’t lie, cheat or steal. Oh, and they don’t condone torture. The media says so, so it must be true.
Before I am able to join this community of man, however, there are a few ground rules:
I have to acknowledge that government is the best and only solution for any problems America has. Despite the fact that pretty much every government solution to date has been a disaster.
I must agree that America is bad and white Christian males are responsible for all that is wrong with the world. Further, I must agree that terrorists and third world dictators are either freedom fighters or misunderstood men of good will. Oh, and I must acknowledge that dialogue is better than war. Even though decades of dialogue haven’t worked, things are different, now that Obama is president. I must have faith. After all, the times, they are a changin’.
I’d, of course, be expected to not only condone, but happily embrace gay marriage and the long list of newly minted sexual behaviors, and swear to never mention the adverse health risks or the proven harm they do to traditional families.
I’d also have to quit judging people (except for conservatives). After all, liberals will allow me to do whatever I want, free from moral censure, and its only fair I do the same for them.
I’d have to immediately quit smoking, in public at least. I’d be required to agree that global warming is real and man is the cause. Even though the earth has cooled in the last decade, everyone knows its still getting warmer. I’d also have to renounce Christianity in favor of Mother Earth and believe that the Constitution is a ‘living instrument’.
I’d have to agree that victimhood trumps merit and that liberals know best. Always. And lastly, I’d have to support the notion that racism is still rampant, even if it is the silent ‘institutional’ type.
In return, I’ll be accepted, popular, and invited to the best parties. I’ll be eligible for the right to housing, health care, a living wage (even if I don’t work) and happiness. And as long as I remain a liberal, no-one is allowed to insult me. How cool is that?
I’ll finally get my columns published in my own hometown paper and will have a good chance of getting face time on MSNBC. Best of all, I’ll be able to atone for my sins by merely paying Algore for a few carbon credits. Then, I will live happily ever after. Isn’t that worth sacrificing such ethereal and frivolous notions like freedom, individualism and principles?
“nancyvideo” is Nancy Morgan, a columnist and news editor for RightBias.com
Oh great, more false liberal-conservative left-right “ism”.
The idiot in the SUV with the McCain sticker is just as brainless as the idiot in the Prius with the Obama sticker.
But yet another diatribe of people versus “other people”, and forgetting that the real battle is people versus the state.
While there are those who fancy themselves “liberal”, forgetting that nothing calling itself liberal ever liberated anything (since 1776 anyway), I can find an equal amount of “conservatives” who fail to see that anything calling itself conservative, since the days of Taft, has yet to actually conserve.
The difference is that I can remind a “liberal” they he is supposed to be open minded, since they lay claim to that, and use that open door to actually have a chance at enlightenment. With “conservatives”, you just get called unpatriotic or “with Al Queda” and then I am forced to realize I am talking to a pile of worm food.
But the fix is in. All those people who voted for Obama, expecting change, just might wake up when they realize the new boss is same as the old boss. So those of us being called unpatriotic by Bushbots will now be called racist by Obamabots. Same crap, different pile.
But considering what “conservatives” have done, at least with the “left”, they advertise their socialism better. Under Obama we know we are getting screwed. Under Bush you had to tell people they were getting screwed and that got you called all sorts of names. But I never forgot who was stupid then and won’t call them smart now.
The human brain uses carbs to fuel thought, and that article is a waste of a potato.
OF PARADIGMS AND POTATOES:
Nice turn of phrase, Dok, but you do not seem to reason with any particular point in Nancy’s diatribe.
And, ironically, I think your “people versus the state” is precisely another liberal-conservative left-right “ism”.
The words “Conservative” and “Right” do not mean “whatever principles can be distilled from the actions or statements of the RNC, any particular Republican in any position in or out of government, nor a Republican majority legislature” as Alex Jones falsely assumes. The actions or beliefs of individual Republicans or Republican bodies can be “conservative” or “liberal,” and do not change the definitions because those words have independent meanings.
“Conservative” and “Right” mean “in the direction of Freedom.”
“Liberal” and “Left” mean “in the direction of Government Control.”
“Conservative” was a misnomer from the beginning, since the quest to “conserve” institutions of Freedom, like the Constitution, was never driven by a mindless desire to just “have things stay the same” but rather, originally to keep, and now to restore the unchanging moral ideals of freedom (irrespective of whether those ideals are currently in or out of power). And “Liberal” certainly no longer has anything to do with liberty. If “liberal” means “committed to liberty” then Conservatives are the liberals. If “conservative” means “conserving the status quo” then Liberals are the conservatives. Welcome to Crazy World.
But the actual “left/right paradigm,” defining “right” as freedom and “left” as government control, and measuring the status of any nation, at any point in time, by the percentage of the GNP under government control is not false and its precepts hold true throughout the whole of world history. It is, moreover, the only consistent, rational and objective measure of the direction and purpose of government or the general intentions of a politician. It is only the recent attempt to embrace sexual immorality as a civil right by a small minority of the current “Liberty Movement,” that has driven the attempt to replace that analysis. And they have no objective alternative.
All political movements and parties, of any philosophy, however, have always, and will always, have to deal with the “potato” (except the H.W. Bush (I) administration which, through its Vice President, had to deal with the “potatoe”), that is, adherents who can only follow and who have only the most rudimentary light to go by.
That well-intentioned but stupid Republicans follow disingenuous liberal leaders is no great cause for alarm. What is cause for alarm is when “leaders” of the Liberty Movement link arms with those liberal Republican con artists to divide the sheep among them for personal gain.
From what I saw at the convention Saturday night, I think I know exactly what your last paragraph refers to and who they were, and what table they were sitting at.
I still think it’s adorable when they put a suit on that thing.