Enough of this bickering. Let’s simplify the Senate race.

So… back when Slade “Snake” “Skeletor” “Longshanks” Gorton was (not-credibly) floating  Susan Hutchison’s name and, shortly thereafter (and more ominously), Dino Rossi’s as the GOP/Left pragmatist choice for Patty Murray’s Senate seat, it failed to scare away the field as hoped.

Oops.

And for those who sought to steer the nomination process away from the conservative grassroots base (a skill at the very foundation of Gorton’s career from 1980-2000), that field was a problem.

Around the State they toured. Actually answering questions. Actually engaging the (ick) base. Actually expressing conservative ideals (except Paul Akers, who expressed efficient ideals). For the pragmatists it was a disaster.

Like a political demolition derby, nothing good could possibly come of it as far as the Republican (“mainstream”) liberals were concerned. Cars without engines don’t win demo derbies and Pragmatist Republicans are cars without engines in debates and candidate forums.

Chris Widener failed at his quest to moderate others into banality (by squealing “far right!”) and was the first to recognize that he was, in essence, without engine, announcing his candidacy stalled in the infield.

Then things got worse.

Recognizing, as Dino’s actual candidacy loomed, that Esser was already cheating for him, crafty old Don Benton had outmaneuvered Luke.  Demanding access to the Party Database and asking for the Party endorsement, Benton forced Esser out of the shadows, to actually make his scheming public. He did and it was ugly. Luke went to his concocted “Executive Board” to steer the State Central Committee, misled or confused half the body, and passed a “nomination scheme” so obviously distorted (giving majority strength to 12 people out of 117)  that even he was embarrassed to use it.

It got complicateder and complicateder.

The State Convention loomed with the actual power to nominate, but its oppressed citizens were unaware of their power. Would the Establishment attempt to engineer a Rossi coronation? What if the elephant broke loose from its handlers? What if they learned of their power?

Rules maneuvers were hopelessly confusing. Who was working for a Convention nomination and who was not? Longtime counsel to the pragmatic stars, Dick Derham, was inscrutable. King County (as controlled by the GOP Left as any county in the state could be) had almost half the delegates (directly due to Esser’s gerrymandering. Who would blink?

And then the Convention… the motion on the floor to hold a straw poll drew votes against it from both sides. And where did all these people come from??

Then Clint Didier blew that room away…

 

But to what effect? Tom Forbes, Rossi propagandist on Red County says, in effect, “So what if the collective elected representatives of all Republicans across the state overwhelmingly want Clint? So what?”

And now we proceed to a process, the top two primary, that has been under hostile  litigation for years. Murray retreats to her millions of dollars of special interest money. Rossi retreats from the public altogether, hoping Didier will, somehow, vanish and we are left with uncertainty and chaos.

I propose a clear solution.

1. Eliminate the primary. It was conceived to avoid Party nominations, but ensure a “majority” supported winner of the General Election. It is a failure.
2. Eliminate the general. Without the primary (we just eliminated it, remember) it could result in only a plurality winner.

I propose that we determine the next U.S. Senator by hand-to-hand combat, to the death.

We’ll put up a ring, but there will be no referee.

 

Patty Murray will enter to the squeals of the Feminazis, swinging her famed tennis shoes like nunchucks.

 

Paul Akers will approach the ring surrounded by neatly dressed twenty-something interns and step through the ropes with a Lithium-Ion powered Cabinet staple gun as his weapon of choice.

Dino Rossi, will enter in a slick sharkskin suit like a young Al Pacino, looking very Italian and carrying a concealed stiletto.

 

But Clint Didier will enter to Hulk Hogan’s old theme music.

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man

I am a real American, fight for what’s right, fight for your life!

 And won’t have any weapon with him. Just his courage and bare hands.

Last man standing.

I’d bet on the outcome of that one, Chris.

Any takers?

I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what’s right, fight for your life!

When it comes crashing down, and it hurts inside,
ya’ gotta take a stand, it don’t help to hide,
Well, you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,
I gotta be a man; I can’t let it slide,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what’s right, fight for your life!

I feel strong about right and wrong,
And I don’t take trouble for very long,
I got something deep inside of me, and courage is the thing that keeps us free,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what’s right, fight for your life!

Well you hurt my friends, and you hurt my pride,
I gotta be a man; I can’t let it slide,
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what’s right, fight for your life!
I am a real American, Fight for the rights of every man,
I am a real American, fight for what’s right, fight for your life!

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